My eyes going sore
My brain going drowsy
My limbs going numb
My senses going blurry

But I got a lab to attend
And preserve energy for another lecture
To stay alive
Amidst all that pressure

Imagine four years of such a life
Living it out each day
I take a break from it
Just enough to pray

But they say its just a start
Brace yourself for the next part
But they do give hope and say
You proceed to heaven once you graduate from this hell

And this is something I’ve heard
A gazzillion times
Every day of school
Every day of college

Still I believe it every time I hear it
‘Coz I know one thing for sure
God has kept me alive so far
So there’s a long way to go.

There were a bunch of people
Throwing colours of Holi at each other
Smiles and laughs all around
As they played Holi

I looked at the people
All covered in various colours
Some red, some yellow
Some pink, some green

I went back inside with a smile
But with an itch within
But I couldn’t realise
What that itch was about?

Then I saw some colors
On the table
Placed gracefully
Close to each other

I heard some murmuring
Coming from the table
They were giving strange looks to me
As they chatted with each other

I went closer to them and asked
Why do you look at me like that?
They said nothing but stared at me
I repeated my question

They said
You dare ask us a question?
First you answer us
Why the hell are we sitting here ?

I said
Sorry, but I don’t play Holi
They paused to give me a dreaded look
And said

Is this your answer to every question?
Is this negation of everything,  your life?
Is this why never won an award?
Is this why you never confessed your love?

I was taken aback by their questions
I took few moments to stabilize
I looked at them furiously
And asked

What does all that has to do with you?
How does it matter to you?
That I never won an award?
That I never confessed my love?

They all laughed at me
And said
Its because of losers like you
That we sit on this table doing nothing

Not fulfilling our destiny
Not being able to touch someone
That you loved
Not being able to tell them what you feel

Not being able to talk with them
Make them smile
Not being able to bring you two closer
The way we used to bring others

Now I laughed at them and said
What do you know about love?
Why do you care what I feel?
How does all this matter to you?

They all looked at each other
They answered one more time
This time they looked at me with a dull smile
There voice had a tone of compassion

What do you think we colours are?
Its not our fault that you human beings
Are too naive to understand
That we are the feeling called “love”

- Kapil Acharya

Today I set you free
Free of all bounds
Go out in the open sky
Fly free
Chirp like you never did

And one day
If
You ever return to me
There will be no cage
That once was

But just a smile
A set of lips to kiss your forehead
A set of arms to embrace you
A set of moist eyes
With old moments flowing out in form of tiny beads
A set of thirsty ears
Waiting for you to twitter.

- Kapil Acharya

The house gets closer as shadow moves eight steps or nine
This makes me realize, that shadow is mine
On touching the door knob I feel a spark
The door opens and everything goes dark

Then I see an enlightened room
Someone’s in there I assume
Moving closer I see a silhouette movin’
Its effect on my eyes is so soothin’

There stands a beautiful girl
Wearin’ a dress as white as pearl
My eyes drool over her curly hair
I haven’t met anyone ever so fair

As I enter the room I experience familiar vibes
“You know this girl”, says a voice from my insides
There she stands folding away some clothes
“Oh Lord! May this moment go on and on”, my heart hopes

Then something happens which I find really odd
My hands work on their own accord!!!
They make a move with some sort of grace
And take her in an embrace

Our eyes meet as her head turns
I drown into depth of her eyes
“Yes I know her. Oh yes I know her”, my heart says
She is the one, my love, my only love…

Then out of nowhere something seems to pull me away
Away from her
I try to hold onto her arm
But I keep retreating far away

Everything starts going darker and darker
And I move deeper into the darkness
A shrill voice makes me open my eyes
And I find myself next to my alarm clock….

As I finally come to my senses
I sit there thinking about the dream…
Was that a sweet dream or the worst nightmare ?
But I know one thing
That I would give everything just to see that dream end happily.

My grandfather and I shared this very special bond. I almost spent half of my life till now under his care,love and support. He has been my first teacher in every department of my life right from learning “ABCD’s” to appreciating work of literature, to looking at things from different perspectives, to looking at ones work critically, to never boasting over ur little successes ,to never getting depressed over ur failures, to see only the good things in other people,to being humble in ur behaviour……

Now once u have such a bond with some person u don’t even realise that nothing is permanent.U tend to think that world would reamain as it is.But soon life makes u realise that nothing is static….

Just 15 days back as i entered my house i got the news that he had a small accident and was admitted to a hospital and all those dygnoistic tests were being conducted on him.This was the first symbol that time wanted to give -“its gonna be over”…but still one  neither gets it nor accepts it…and all the prayers started that he gets alright. Everybody is hopin that he’s gonna be perfect again. Another news comes from my uncle that he is in intensive care and the C.T scan reports are not lookin good and he asks us to come over to jodhpur(where my grandfather was)…..that was the second symbol…..still one fails to believe that it is gonna happen to someone u have always seen joyful and full of energy….

My mother started reciting the “Mahamrityunjaya mantra”     …..she did that over and over while even doin the packing ….i could see the tension over her face….tears just about to pout out of her eyes….and i was wondering what the hell? why is she so tensed….its just a small accident nothing is gonna happen to him….

We got to jodhpur that very day and went straight ahead to the hospital. Just as i entered the intensive care unit my brain got stunned; i remained so still at the sight i just saw; it felt like time has just stopped; everything had become so still; there i saw my joyful,full of energy grandfather lying there unconscious with a no. of tubes inserted in his mouth, few needles in his hand. He was lying there as though he was lifeless…only thing that was making it believe that he was still alive was the rise and fall of his chest and a bunch of instruments indicating his pulse rate etc….this sight was the most disturbing sight that i had seen my entire life…but still a hope inside me was there speaking that he is gonna be up and standing in sometime…but  as i turned towards my mother i saw even more disturbing image…my mother was all into tears…i couldnt bear the expressions of her face….this was the situation that i had never faced yet…

….i was now in a train to jodhpur….i came back for a day to set some things in order in jaipur coz we left in bit of a hurry earlier…i felt so numb throughout that whole journey….as i reached home i felt change in atmosphere from last time.There was a horrifying silence which was indicating something…something that i was determined to deny….then i met my mother and i heard her saying something that left me completely   broken -  the inevitable had happened…he passed away…his lifeless body was lying there on the bed of that hospital…this was the first time that i experienced the most excruciating feeling…i couldnt do anything…i couldnt walk or cry or sit or stand….i dont know how come i even remember that moment even though everything was so numb…..

….I was now at one of our ancestors house…the house which had seen almost every emotion right from births to deaths…everything was dull and extremely calm…but as i entered house there was a loud roar that pierced my ears of people crying all around my grandfather’s dead body…

….I was now at the “shmashaan ghat”- the ultimate place of residency of a human body…there laid the body on woods lifeless with a dozen of rituals goin around…as i was standing there my mind blazed all through the memories that i shared with my wonderful  ”nanaji”…it was like a movie playing inside my head and every scene was making me realise that this time when i go home i wont be able to hear that wonderful familiar voice ….though my heart was aching like hell i was trying to keep myself tight …trying sooooooo hard not to drop a tear…..and i think i succeeded in doing that…though i couldnt keep my eyes from moistening a bit….

…finally my uncle(his eldest son) did the last rites ….and his body was given ahead to “agni dev”     ….the body made from the “panch mahabhutas” as they say divided into each one of them again…that was it…

…following 9 days were very difficult time of my life…but each day taught me something as i did one ritual each day…

this whole incident made me learn this ultimate truth. Whatever that u do ,earn,make,break,live,lie is gonna stay right here….nothing on this earth is gonna reamain forever….i will also be in the same place/state as my nanaji the day my death comes and at that point i’ll be a nobody-neither a son, a grandson ,a husband ,a father, a grandfather, a millionare or a beggar….i’ll be nothing buta few ashes if i am lucky enough to be swayed in the Ganges….

From this point now on i’ll try to live my life to the fullest …try to be of some use to mankind, to the people i love,to the people who love me…i would try to love everyone…coz love is the only thing ,the only emotion that is gonna survive till this earth exists….i am not gonna run away from my responsibilities, the truths….

Coz  soon i know i would have to face this “ultimate truth-DEATH”…..

Here is my first post as i become one of the members of the large pool of bloggers. Special thanks to Jai Pandya my wonderful friend for this beautiful theme and for encouraging me to enter the blogging world.

I am hopin’ to develop a theme myself  very soon as i am diving into the world of  web development.

Lookin’ really forward to share my stuff with you guys….