Archive for the ‘misc’ Category
Understanding death - the ultimate truth
…As the ninth day goes by following the death of my grandfather, i sit right in front of this computer writing this post , my mind journeys through the series of events that have happened in last 15 days or so.
My grandfather and I shared this very special bond. I almost spent half of my life till now under his care,love and support. He has been my first teacher in every department of my life right from learning “ABCD’s” to appreciating work of literature, to looking at things from different perspectives, to looking at ones work critically, to never boasting over ur little successes ,to never getting depressed over ur failures, to see only the good things in other people,to being humble in ur behaviour……
Now once u have such a bond with some person u don’t even realise that nothing is permanent.U tend to think that world would reamain as it is.But soon life makes u realise that nothing is static….
Just 15 days back as i entered my house i got the news that he had a small accident and was admitted to a hospital and all those dygnoistic tests were being conducted on him.This was the first symbol that time wanted to give -“its gonna be over”…but still one neither gets it nor accepts it…and all the prayers started that he gets alright. Everybody is hopin that he’s gonna be perfect again. Another news comes from my uncle that he is in intensive care and the C.T scan reports are not lookin good and he asks us to come over to jodhpur(where my grandfather was)…..that was the second symbol…..still one fails to believe that it is gonna happen to someone u have always seen joyful and full of energy….
My mother started reciting the “Mahamrityunjaya mantra” …..she did that over and over while even doin the packing ….i could see the tension over her face….tears just about to pout out of her eyes….and i was wondering what the hell? why is she so tensed….its just a small accident nothing is gonna happen to him….
We got to jodhpur that very day and went straight ahead to the hospital. Just as i entered the intensive care unit my brain got stunned; i remained so still at the sight i just saw; it felt like time has just stopped; everything had become so still; there i saw my joyful,full of energy grandfather lying there unconscious with a no. of tubes inserted in his mouth, few needles in his hand. He was lying there as though he was lifeless…only thing that was making it believe that he was still alive was the rise and fall of his chest and a bunch of instruments indicating his pulse rate etc….this sight was the most disturbing sight that i had seen my entire life…but still a hope inside me was there speaking that he is gonna be up and standing in sometime…but as i turned towards my mother i saw even more disturbing image…my mother was all into tears…i couldnt bear the expressions of her face….this was the situation that i had never faced yet…
….i was now in a train to jodhpur….i came back for a day to set some things in order in jaipur coz we left in bit of a hurry earlier…i felt so numb throughout that whole journey….as i reached home i felt change in atmosphere from last time.There was a horrifying silence which was indicating something…something that i was determined to deny….then i met my mother and i heard her saying something that left me completely broken - the inevitable had happened…he passed away…his lifeless body was lying there on the bed of that hospital…this was the first time that i experienced the most excruciating feeling…i couldnt do anything…i couldnt walk or cry or sit or stand….i dont know how come i even remember that moment even though everything was so numb…..
….I was now at one of our ancestors house…the house which had seen almost every emotion right from births to deaths…everything was dull and extremely calm…but as i entered house there was a loud roar that pierced my ears of people crying all around my grandfather’s dead body…
….I was now at the “shmashaan ghat”- the ultimate place of residency of a human body…there laid the body on woods lifeless with a dozen of rituals goin around…as i was standing there my mind blazed all through the memories that i shared with my wonderful ”nanaji”…it was like a movie playing inside my head and every scene was making me realise that this time when i go home i wont be able to hear that wonderful familiar voice ….though my heart was aching like hell i was trying to keep myself tight …trying sooooooo hard not to drop a tear…..and i think i succeeded in doing that…though i couldnt keep my eyes from moistening a bit….
…finally my uncle(his eldest son) did the last rites ….and his body was given ahead to “agni dev” ….the body made from the “panch mahabhutas” as they say divided into each one of them again…that was it…
…following 9 days were very difficult time of my life…but each day taught me something as i did one ritual each day…
this whole incident made me learn this ultimate truth. Whatever that u do ,earn,make,break,live,lie is gonna stay right here….nothing on this earth is gonna reamain forever….i will also be in the same place/state as my nanaji the day my death comes and at that point i’ll be a nobody-neither a son, a grandson ,a husband ,a father, a grandfather, a millionare or a beggar….i’ll be nothing buta few ashes if i am lucky enough to be swayed in the Ganges….
From this point now on i’ll try to live my life to the fullest …try to be of some use to mankind, to the people i love,to the people who love me…i would try to love everyone…coz love is the only thing ,the only emotion that is gonna survive till this earth exists….i am not gonna run away from my responsibilities, the truths….
Coz soon i know i would have to face this “ultimate truth-DEATH”…..
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